Vegeta's Hangover
by TeeLee123
Summary: Vegeta,Gohan, Krillin, Trunks, and Goten go to South City Vegas to celebrate Trunks' bachelor party! After a drunken, hazy night of partying, Vegeta finds a baby in the closet. Nobody can believe it, but the baby is Trunks! How did this happen? Nobody can remember. Worse, the bride's father is missing! And Bulma is a stripper? WTF did Goten do? Parody of The Hangover & others.
1. Chapter 1

_**~ Vegeta's Hangover ~**_

_[Part One: Entering South City Vegas]_

Birthday Party- ( a human holiday) The celebration of every pitiful beings birth within and outside your family. A bizarre tradition revolving around the superstition of blowing out candles and making a wish, only a dragon doesn't appear. Thus, it's a load of bullshit and your wish will never come true.

On my planet, celebrating one's birth " a birthday" did not exist. Being allowed to live, even if you were weak, was a gift in itself.

Bachelor Party- I do not know what this is, but my son, Shorty, and Kakarot's brats are awfully excited about this human holiday, more so than my coming birthday ( the same day as Trunks' wedding). The women simply glared and said one sentence over and over, another human word which I don't know.

_"NO STRIPPERS!"_

**. . .V.H. . .**

"How much farther?" I asked, irritated with the slow pace Kakarot's eldest brat drove.

I wanted to drive, and would have had I known where South City Vegas was located, a human city I've never been to. A city I was practically being forced to go to. That damn woman.

_"Go Vegeta! This is the most important thing to happen to our son! He needs you to be there for him!" The woman kissed my neck, seducing me to submit to her demands." Just, promise me you'll stay away from the strippers, and make sure Trunks doesn't get cold feet and run off somewhere."_

Run off? Hmph. My son is about to be tied down by a woman, might as well strap a ball and chain to his ankle right now! It'd be smart of Trunks to run while he still can, and I wouldn't stand in his way. I'd probably help him escape.

"We should be there soon," Gohan replied, glancing at the map he held in one hand, while beeping the car horn with the other." Ugh, darn traffic. It's been ten minutes and we still haven't moved an inch!"

"So, Trunks," Goten turned around in the passenger seat. Trunks, leaning against the car door looking as bored as the rest of us, simply grunted, letting his friend know that he was listening." Are you looking forward to the wedding night?" Goten wiggled his eyebrows to emphasize his meaning.

Trunks' lips stretched in an amused smile, and he glanced at Goten, but didn't provide an answer. The angry short man sitting between us did.

"Hey, watch how you're talking about my daughter!" Krillin fumed, getting in Goten's face." Stop talking about her like she's some type of slut! I swear I'll kick your ass!"

Or get his much stronger wife to do it. The whimp.

"Hey, easy." Goten pulled back, waving his hands in the air." I was just kidding. Of course Marron is not a slut, ha ha. I know that."

Damn. No Shorty getting his ass beat today.

"Let's sing a song guys." Gohan suggested, flipping through the radio for a good tune, which by normal standards isn't good at all. The music of this planet is just noise; useless chatter of some fool who's woman dumped him or some sad, mopey, love song. Ugh. Disgusting.

"Where are you going, Dad?" Trunks asked as I hopped out of the car.

I smirked." I refuse to wait another hour singing songs like some type of simpleton with a car full of low class idiots!"

"Ouch." Krillin responded, wincing as if my words had hurt him.

Without wasting another breath, I bent down, picked up the car and flew over the heavy traffic to the flashing, vibrant city ahead, known as South City Vegas. . .the city of sinners. Hah, sounds like my kind of place.

**. . .V. H. . .**

"We passed that palm tree already," Krillin groaned.

"Please, read the map!" Gohan begged, doing his best to tape the ripped pieces together.

"How did we even get lost!" Trunks cried, pressing the button to bring the roof of the car forward." Straight, Goten! That's all you had to do was go straight and we would've been at the hotel by now!"

Goten frowned." But I wanted to take a short cut."

"I say we blast this car to smithereens and fly to the city. I'm sure we could see the city lights from above the ground."

"We can't do that! This is my father in law's car! Videl would kill me if we even get a scratch on this thing!"

This car would be less junky if it was red, not blue, and didn't have that chump Mr. Satan's face on the hood, along with his 6,6,6 numbers in yellow and black on the two doors.

"Ah! Goten what are you doing! Stay out of the cornfield and get back on the road!" Gohan screamed, clutching to his seat as the car vibrated over the corn stalks. Shorty bounced in the car like a jumping bean. Idiots, I swear. . .the whole lot of them! And they let the biggest idiot of the bunch drive the blasted car! They should've let me drive instead of him!

I pressed the button on my door. The window lowered and I stuck the upper part of my body out of the car. A cornstalk slapped me in the face, but I barely felt it. Gathering very little of my energy, I raised my palm and released an infinite, invisble blast, which bent the stalks in front of us.

"Thanks Vegeta." Goten cheered, accelerating, making the car go faster as I cleared the way for him. He circled, spinned, and zig zagged in strange patterns. Trunks, Gohan and Krillin whooped in the car, enjoying the sharp turns Goten made. I smiled thinly, also enjoying the off-road car ride. Eventually, Goten became bored and found his way back on the road. The flashing city lights came into view, and I sat back in my seat.

We sat in silence as we left the cornfield behind in the dark night. It's uncanny we even found ourselves on a dirt road near a farm in the first place.

"Do you think the farmer will be mad we drove over his cornfield?"

"Nah." Gohan answered, giving Krillin a thumbs up." I bet no one will even notice it."

**. . V.H. . .**

I was the last to step out of the car. The Raviolli Hotel stood impressively tall, much taller than Bulma's place. I was so awed by the height that I almost didn't notice the little punk trying to hijack the car.

I swiftly grabbed the punk by his red vest, and held him high in the air, debating on what to do with him. Blast him? Pummel him? Let him off with a warning by breaking his arms and hands? The punk squirmed fearfully, kicking his long legs in the air while screaming for help.

"Dad no!"

"Stay out of this. I'm trying to teach this punk a lesson." I said, forming a small blue blast in my hand. A bit rough for the human, but I've had a very stressful day. Need to make myself feel better somehow.

"Dad!" Trunks hissed, wrapping his hand around my arm." He didn't do anything wrong. He's the valet." I narrowed my eyes at him, irritated by the human word I did not know the definition of. Trunks quickly spoke, seeing my patience was running out." It's his job to park the car while we check in. If we want to go somewhere, the valet will retrieve the car for us."

"Oh. Why didn't you say so earlier?" I said, releasing the valet. He grunted as he landed on his butt." It's about time we received some special treatment, a better change then being told to take out the trash." I pointed at the Valet's face. He flinched." Park the car. If I so much as find one tiny scratch on it, it'll be your head. "

"Y-yes sir. I'll get right on it sir." The valet stuttered, shakily getting back into the car.

Trunks covered his face in embarrassment as we entered the hotel.

"Ten zeni says he pissed himself." Krillin laughed.

**. . . V.H. . . . .**

Gohan dealt with things at the front desk and retrieved the keys to the suite.

"Alright. What should we do first, guys? Check in,get cleaned up, and then eat. Or eat, get cleaned up, go out and. . . ." Gohan did one of his nerdy poses, lifting one leg, and pointing his right arm to the ceiling." . . . Party!"

Trunks, even more embarrassed than before, walked past our group and pressed the button on the elevator, waiting for the doors to open.

"Hey! I'm the best man! I'm the one who's supposed to plan things." Goten whined.

Gohan, Shorty, and myself frowned at the idea at having our time away from the wives planned out by this bafoon. It was a mistake trusting him to drive a straight line to the hotel! How can we entrust this idiot to plan two nights of adult fun? We couldn't. Absolutely not! It'd be the worst mistake we'd ever make!

The elevator dinged. Trunks smiled, and glanced back." Aw, let him feel important. Let him plan the bachelor party, he is the best man after all. Come on guys, what's the worst that could happen?"

"Okay. "

"If it's what Trunks wants."

"Hmph. You're all fools."

Goten squealed. " Alright it 's settled! As the best man I say we take. . ." Goten looked around and smiled broadly at the shiny golden doors of a different elevator." Let's take this elevator."

Trunks shrugged." Okay."

We gathered in front of the shiny elevator and waited for the doors to open. When the doors opened, a man stood with his legs shoulder width apart- - standing over a grinning fool lying on his stomach- - while thrusting his hips to some idiotic song!

"Heyyyyyy, sexy lady! Op, op, op," I punched the fool in the face, knocking two of his teeth from his smile." Op, I'm going down." And he did. He fell down on his partner. The man seemed to enjoy having another male's weight on top of him, since he didn't try getting up or moving to a more comfortable position.

The others filed into the elevator after me, each staying close and away from the pile of men in the corner, one unconscious and the other just plain strange.

Goten pressed the button, then sighed, feeling all of us staring at him.

" How was I supposed to know something like that would be happening in this elevator?"

"Yeah. We know you couldn't have known buddy," Trunks said, patting Goten on the back. He glanced back at us and mouthed." I'm sorry guys."

"Did you really have to punch him?" Gohan asked, glancing at the unconscious man.

I leaned against the wall and crossed my arms.

"Be grateful it wasn't one of you."

* * *

**SING IT!**

The sun comes down,

the stars come out,

& all that counts is how I did?

Right here and now!

My universe, will never be the same.

I'm glad you faved,

I'm glad you faved.

*ba, ba, bum; catchy music *

You guys are following me,

following me, (click the follow button!)

You hit me like the sky fell on me,

fell on me.

And I decided fanfiction is fun for me,

fun for me.

So Trunks lets go somewhere no one else can see, just you and me.

you and me. ( oh yeah)

Turn the lights out now, NOW

I'll cuff you by the hand.

Hand you a special drink.

DRINK IT my new man.

Can you spend a little time?

Time to REVIEW, cuz I'm drifting away,

Away from us so stay.

STAY WITH ME i can make,

make you glad you faved.

The sun goes down,

the stars come out

& to hell with this!

Read Vegeta's Hangover or

be BLASTED!

(Gallick Gun!)

- - Parody song by Teelee123 of 'Glad you Came' by The Wanted


	2. Chapter 2

"Thanks, guys! I liked the song too!"

In the last chapter we found out where crop circles came from & what would happen if Vegeta ever met the elevator dancers from the_ gangnam style_ music video. Ooh, what surprises await our five man wolf pack today? Read & find out!

* * *

**_~ Vegeta's Hangover~ _**

_[Part two: Goten Confuses the Tubes]_

Unlike the rest of the low class filth that occupied the other rooms of the hotel, room #13 ( The one I graciously decided to share with the others) took up the entire floor on the third level. The third level wasn't on the top like I had wanted, but the others assured me that it was the best room. Judging by their over excited reactions to the fireplace, three king sized beds, hot tub, balcony, gigantic T.V, and the enormous size of the three bathtubs & showers- - I'd say they weren't lying.

"Wow. Check this out!" Krillin gasped, picking up the remote and pressing different buttons,simultaneously turning on the fireplace, the T.V, and reclining the chair he sat in. He closed his eyes, seeming to enjoy having his chair shake beneath him like some type of washing machine. Obviously the damn chair was broken, or possessed." Ahhh. Oh, yeah. We need to have more Briefs bachelor parties, slash, birthdays. I could get used to this!"

"I know what you mean." Gohan said from the bedroom in the far right corner. He collapsed onto the thick, white comforter." Wow. It's been a while since I've had the whole bed to myself. This is great."

" I'm sleeping with you." Goten reminded him, while stuffing his face with the welcoming fruit that was meant for all of us.

Gohan laughed." Right, about that. . . I was thinking you could sleep on the couch."

"What!" Goten screamed, spitting out part of the banana he'd been eating. . .all over me!" Sorry Vegeta." He said quickly, thinking that'd be enough to keep me from punching him. I think I was too tired to beat the little brat, so I merely glared at him.

" Fine. I don't want to sleep with you anyway. You snore! Krillin, can i sleep with you?"

"Sorry, kid. It's been a while since I've had a bed to myself too. One day when you're married you'll understand."

"Oh come on!" Goten whined, shifting his pleading gaze to me." Vegeta?"

I narrowed my eyes." You can't possibly expect me to say 'oh sure, I'd love to share a bed with you,' after you spit in my face, got us lost, and turned me into your imaginary friend for an ENTIRE YEAR THAT ONE TIME!"

Goten covered his ears to drown out most of my shouting.

_[ read XX Goten if u wanna know how that happened. Vegeta burned its sequel & told me to never post it]_

I glared at him.

He smiled, then asked." Was that a no?"

"It was a HELL NO!"

The elevator beeped, and the punk in the red vest stepped out, carrying our luggage. Trunks gave the punk a tip, and thanked him for doing his job. I rolled my eyes. How many times have I told that boy NOT to thank the servants? It's degrading!

"I'm starting to rethink this whole marriage thing," Trunks joked, handing the others their suitcases. I glanced at the others to see if any of them could tell it wasn't a joke. One of them should've known Trunks was truthfully voicing his doubts, but that someone was oblivious, just like his idiot father.

"Trrrrruuuunks," Goten moaned, sounding like the pitiful eight year old he used to be." Nobody wants to sleep with me. What should I do?"

"I guess you can sleep with me," Trunks said." The couch pulls out into a twin bed. . . but no kicking! I hate it when you kick! One kick and I'll banish you to the floor."

At that moment, Gohan and Krillin frantically dug into their suitcases.

"Oh man, if I don't call Eighteen and tell her where I am. . .well, it wont be good, I can tell you that."

"Where is it? Where is it?Where's my cell phone?" Gohan shrieked, flinging his shirts, boxers and other clothing from his bag.

Then, some guy with black hair dressed in casual clothes knocked outside the glass doors from the balcony. We froze. Trunks slowly walked to the balcony door and unlocked it. " Can. . .I help you?"

The man smiled, then waved his hand, signalling that he was fine. He walked to the center of the room, stood on the coffee table, and glanced at his cell phone screen before talking into it." Can you hear me now?" A three second pause." Good."

He jumped from the coffee table, covered his hand over the mouth piece and said to Gohan." Sir, you dropped your phone earlier. They have it in the lobby."

"Thanks."

"No problem." The guy smiled, nodded at the rest of us and strolled to the elevator. Before the doors closed, we heard him speak into the cell phone again." Can you hear me now? Good."

I shook my head, grabbed the suitcase of clothes Bulma and Bulla had packed for me and glowered at the weaklings reorganizing the mess of clothes they made on the floor.

" Look at you. Earth's heroes scrambling like cockroaches, afraid of your women."

"Yeah, yeah." Krillin huffed, then nudged Gohan with his elbow." He has the scariest woman of all. If anyone should be afraid, it's him."

"Hmph. At least I'm stronger than my woman." I retorted. Krillin tensed, but pressed his lips together, knowing I could destroy him if he dared to talk back to me. I scowled at Gohan." You're a pathetic excuse for a Saiyan."

Gohan scratched the back of his head, and chuckled." Wow. Don't you think that's a little harsh? Videl may be a human, but she's strong! She could do some serious damage to me if I'm not careful. Can't really blame me for valuing my life, heh, heh."

I snorted." Whatever."

Goten followed me to my bedroom.

" The buffet will open in an hour."

I entered the bathroom, Goten was about to follow me in until I slammed the door in his face.

" Okay. You want to be alone. I get it."

My face reddened." You have ten seconds to back away from the door before I blast you boy!"

I heard Goten scurry out of the room. Still, I opened the door to make sure nobody was in the room. There wasn't. I closed the door and locked it. Unzipped my bag for the cell phone, turned the shower on so nobody would hear, and quickly dialed Bulla's phone number. I didn't wait for her to say hello.

"It's me. Just checking in like you wanted. . ." I grumbled. Bulma never wonders where I am, it doesn't bother her when I disappear at random hours and don't come back for days. She knows I'll come back, the gravity room can't travel. Bulla, on the other hand, needs to know my precise location at all hours. She is the Saiyan Princess, and has a right to know whatever she likes.

"Daddy! How was the drive? Did Trunks try to run away yet? You know he loves Pan, right?" The cell phone bent a little from the pressure I applied. How dare she gossip to me like I'm some type of woman. Ridiculous." Ah, I gotta go Daddy, the movie is about to start!"

"You better not be out with some weakling." I warned. I could practically see her rolling her eyes, just like her mother.

"No. Of course not." An obvious lie." Give Trunks a kiss on the cheek for me and tell him I miss my big brother!"

"Absolutely not."

Bulla giggled." Fine. If you wont kiss him for me, then bring me back something pink!"

I opened my mouth to argue, but there was a 'click,' and Bulla was no longer on the other line. She ended the phone call with an order, like always. Damn.

**. . . V. H . . .**

Krillin came out from his bedroom in the left corner of the suite, wearing white pants, a white jacket, a pink shirt with a bright blue tie, dark sunglasses and a 1920's gangster hat. Krillin twirled and posed like a celebrity, until Gohan came out from his room in the right corner dressed in the same ensemble.

"Lose the shades, bro." Krillin said, lifting his sunglasses.

Gohan chuckled and did what he was told, also tossing the hat which looked ridiculous on him.

"Well, how do I look guys?" Gohan asked, smiling like a goof in front of my son, who sat on the couch looking as bored as when he was in the car.

I snorted.

Everything besides Saiyan armor looks ridiculous. Earth clothing is too small and restrictive to move in, not ideal for a Saiyan warrior like myself .Sleeveless leather jackets, black tanks, and tight, leather pants with thick boots for kicking is all I really like. It's the closest thing I'll ever come to wearing normal clothes. Well, there was that pink shirt I wore once. . .

"Aw, come on Vegeta. I look good." Gohan laughed and Krillin laughed with him." Trunks, what do you think? Does this jacket make me look twenty again?"

Trunks continued to stare at the plant beside the T.V.

"Trunks?"

Trunks blinked." Huh? OH. Yeah. Looks good."

"Hey, you're not having doubts about marrying my daughter, are you?" Krillin asked, growing serious. Trunks gulped, not sure how to respond. I shifted uncomfortably, hoping the midget wouldn't look my way.

It 's a stupid secret to keep. Just tell him the truth, boy! I did not raise my son to become a coward over something as simple as choosing a mate!

Trunks let out a nervous "eh?"

Krillin smiled." Gotcha. I was just kidding! Man you should've seen your face! It was priceless!" Krillin ruffled Trunks' hair as if he were a boy." Nah, I know you'd never hurt Marron by leaving her at the altar," He lowered his voice to a whisper, but I still heard."Sorry I've been kind of a grouch, like Vegeta. Must be the old age or something."

Trunks smiled, and glanced back at me from the sofa.

My left eyebrow twitched.

The midget is just begging for me to murder him.

Goten came out from the kitchen holding five colorful tubes, similar to the ones I've seen in Bulma's lab except. . .not colorful.

"Who wants a shot?" Goten asked, smiling devilishly from behind the colorful tubes.

I smirked, practically hearing Kakarot's yelp at the mention of a shot, but that was just my imagination. Kakarot is gone. I'll never see my weaker friend again, at least, not in this lifetime.

**. . . V. H . . .**

Goten ushered us outside to the balcony and had us huddle together in a circle. He handed Gohan the pink tube. Started to give Krillin the yellow tube, but then gave him the purple one, keeping the yellow for himself. Trunks frowned at the orange tube, and stretched out his hand to trade with me.

I rolled my eyes. Did it really matter which color we got? They all had the same amount of alcohol in them!

"NO!" Goten screamed, blocking Trunks from trading tubes with me." VEGETA HAS TO DRINK THE ORANGE ONE! NO TRADING!"

Trunks started to tell the idiot that he had the orange tube, but was instantly cut off.

"I'd like to make a speech to my best friend Trunks, who'll be a married man the day after tomorrow." Goten draped his arm around Trunks' shoulders. I smiled, never once thinking that my son and Kakarot's son would one day become inseparable friends. I'm sure it would've bothered me if Trunks was the dumber, weaker one, but Goten is, so I don't mind. Everyone needs a Kakarot type fool in their life.

Gohan and Krillin cheered, encouraging Goten to continue.

"Wow, remember when we were kids and promised we'd never get married? Do you Trunks? Do you remember?" Trunks blushed. I arched an eyebrow, was this fool already drunk? Goten giggled." Cuz, I remember Trunks. I remember very well."

A look passed between them. All of us were suddenly wondering about the details of the promise, but Goten didn't elaborate. His eyes shined, and tears brimmed the corners.

" I feel like I'm losing another man from my wolf pack."

"What?" I asked, looking to Gohan for the answer.

"Daddy!" Goten cried, dropping to his knees and staring up at the starry sky." Why did you have to leave me? I loved you like a father!"

"Suck it up." I barked, nudging him with my foot.

"Thanks Vegeta." Goten sniffled, jumping to his feet." I needed that." He smiled at me, raised his tube and said." Oh, and happy birthday old timer." He wiggled his eyebrows." Drink up."

I downed my drink in one gulp, and tossed my empty tube over the balcony. Trunks winced from the foul taste, but forced himself to swallow his drink like I did. Krillin took one sip and spat it out. I snatched his tube and finished the remainder of his, that wimp!

"Bleh," Gohan commented, sticking out his tongue. Surprisingly, he and his brother finished their drinks like men.

Goten slammed his tube on the floor and did something none of us expected.

He kissed Trunks.

Trunks' arms flailed as he tried breaking away from Goten's passionate, rough, disturbing kiss.

Goten finally pushed Trunks away after thirty seconds of torture with a loud gasp. He wiped his mouth, then smirked at the rest of us, draping something over his shoulder. " Are you ready to party?"

We quickly forgot about the kiss to protest the bedazzled white purse he had draped over his shoulder.

"No." Gohan said.

"Is that a purse!" Krillin shrieked.

"It's a satchel." Goten mumbled." Bulla said all the guys in Europe wear them."

"There's no way in hell I'm going anywhere with you!" I roared." Take off that ridiculous purse or else we'll leave you behind!"

Trunks finished spitting Goten's saliva from his mouth, by that time, Goten had won the argument. I don't know how he won the argument, everything went black after that.

* * *

_You don't get a song :P _

_Lol. I was talking to somebody (pretending to listen) while writing this. Basically I was saying,"Oh yeah?" "uh-huh" " cool" " I don't know" " Oh really?" or i'd repeat the last word said to me._

_The last sentence said to me: "Wow. It's starting to get cloudy."_

_Me: * type, type.* "Outside?!"_

_There was a long pause. I stopped typing and began to laugh at what I said. The person talking also laughed._

_If it takes you longer than five seconds to understand why it was funny, congratulations, you're Kakarot!_

_~ Teelee123_


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